ally sheedy, you know what you did…

i’m fueding with ally sheedy.

that’s right.  you heard me.  ally-fucking-sheedy.

and she knows what she did.

i don’t even have to say it on here, because 1.)quite honestly, the tale is one to told be in person and 2.) i don’t want ally sheedy reading this and trying to spin my words.  my words which happen to be fact.

molly ringwald and i had a falling out not too long ago, but a fruit basket and two iTunes gift cards later…me and molls are on the road to recovery.

i’ve been bored lately and needed a new celebrity feud.  i won’t let my small town surroundings keep me from being in the headlines of the latest supermarket rag.  and ally sheedy is just the lady to help me out.

you might be saying to yourself: “but matt….ally sheedy?  is she even that famous anymore? is she really a credible celebrity?  is she even still alive?”

not really. not really. and here’s hoping she’s still kicking because otherwise it’s back on with ringwald and i’m gonna have to return that fruit basket, and not use the $12.67 left on that second iTunes card.

i’ve thought this out though. i can’t take on brangelina or oprah.  they’re too big. too much power.  i’ve gotta start small.  small and obscure.  you see that’s the whole allure to my feud.  ally sheedy is the most random thing to come out of left field since james earl jones.  (he did come out of left field in Field of Dreams, right?)

here’s my plan:
1.) Start feud with ally sheedy via my blog which is read by handfuls.
2.) Give an exclusive interivew with vanity fair about all the gory details of said feud, with a photo spread by annie leibovitz
3.) Go on the view to discuss feud, and meet one of my idols, whoopi goldberg.
4.) Reconcile with ally sheedy on the o’reily factor where we open up about our shared political views and become friends at the end of the interview
5.) Get drinks with ally sheedy where we bury the hatchet and have a bitch session about how the o’reily interns treated us.
6.) Begin production on our mafia themed drama directed by martin scorcese.
7.) Record a smashing new power ballad for the swine flu benefit concert we plan to put together.
8.) Go out on the town with ally sheedy in new york or LA where we will be photographed by the paparazzi getting out of the limo with no panties on.
9.) Go to rehab with ally sheedy.
10.)  Guest judge with ally sheedy on so you think you can dance.

i think i’ve got my work cut out for me, but i think it’s a solid plan.