Gooood morning East Middleton Junior High!
As always, this is your resident counselor Marty Schaefer with your morning announcements.
Today is Thursday, May 14 of 2-double 0-9 and before we get down to business, I think we have some birthdays to celebrate. Let’s give a big Dolphins birthday squeal(!) for Marissa Hardy, Teeshawn Carter, Derrick Maynard, Cynthia Black and our very own Einstein in the 8th grade science department, Mr. Walker in room 106. If real drinking glasses were permitted for student use on campus, we would all raise one to you!
Final exams are just around the corner, so….BOO! don’t let them scare you, like I just did. Start preparing now by eating right, getting good rest and seeing what mother might have in the “special” cabinet to keep you alert for studying. I know you couldn’t see it, but I winked when I said “special.”
Here’s a few housekeeping notes to keep in mind.
1. The biology lab should not be used for the creation of personal concoctions, and no, I did not just say a dirty word. As my father used to tell me, “Son, you want to mix up that smack, fine, but do it on your own dime.” So please, let’s follow ol’ Schaefer Senior’s advice, because the dime your spending now is the dime of a tax payer who doesn’t deserve to have their hard earned money wasted on the reason after-school specials are made.
2. This one’s for the girl’s, right Martina? That was a reference to country singing sensation, mother and God-fearing patriot Martina McBride. But seriously ladies, Coach Stephens has been reporting that some of you are not flushing the toilets in the bathrooms. What do the choices you’re gonna make in the future if you continue this pattern of behavior and your urine have in common? They settle. Never settle, ladies. Flush.
3. The faculty is sickened by the gross lack of respect some of you have been showing towards our janitorial staff. Our Facilities Manager, the “Head Broom In Charge” if you will, Mr. Clarkson has reported several instances of taunting towards our janitors. You should all be very thankful for the people who do this work. Take Mr. Dylan Kays, for instance. Mr. Kays is a hard-working man who didn’t think his life would end up like it has. Dylan had everything. But a recession is not a recession without some layoffs, right? So, Dylan did what he needed to. He came to work here about three months ago, and since then it’s been an amazing three months. If you got to know Dylan you’d realize that he’s not what his rugged exterior makes him out to be. He’s quite cultured and loves to talk about classic movies, good wines and all of his past business trips to Europe where he wants to go when we can save up the money, but I keep telling him that with a couple of candles, a nice dinner and Amelie playing in the background, Middleton, Nebraska can become Paris any night……………….so stop teasing the cleaning staff.
Um, what else do I have for you today. Ah. Teachers, Mrs. Jansky’s retirement luncheon is today at 4 pm. Melinda has requested a theme for her retirement, so we’re having a barnyard theme so we can, and I quote, “send this good-looking cow out to pasture with state benefits.”
Well, I do have some more things to go over with you all, but thinking about having to attend Jansky’s retirement thing has sort of made me feel like the walls of this very tiny room in the office where these announcements are made are closing in on me. So, I’m just going to step outside for a minute and join the cafeteria ladies for their morning smoke break.
Oh. To take us out, here’s Janetta Carter with the Pledge of Allegiance.
